How Third Spaces Transformed My Social Life

A year ago, I moved from the United States to Paris to begin my bachelor's degree. I knew it would be a big change—new culture, new language, new everything. What I didn’t anticipate was how much it would shift the way I experienced connection. More than the academic challenges or culture shock, the biggest transformation came from discovering and valuing something I hadn’t really noticed before: third spaces.

Discovering Place-Based Connection

In the U.S., my social life mostly happened in homes or at work—dinner parties, occasional outings, chatting with coworkers during slow moments. But in Paris, that structure fell away. Slowly, I found myself forming a collection of places that felt like “mine.” My favorite bakery near campus, where the employees knew my name and gave me free choquettes during finals week. The bar around the corner where I watched Champions League matches. A park where my friends and I would always end up for late afternoon picnics. These places weren’t just backdrops—they were part of the identity and life I was building.

Eventually, I came across the term for what these places are: third spaces.

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg coined the term in The Great Good Place (1989), defining third spaces as environments outside of the home (first space) and workplace (second space)—places like cafés, pubs, and parks where informal social life happens. According to Oldenburg, these spaces are vital for community life and individual well-being. They’re defined by qualities I had come to love: they’re accessible, conversation-driven, loosely structured, and offer a consistent chance of running into people you know.

After a year of this kind of socializing—long, unhurried meals, nights at the pool hall, walking through my friends' neighborhoods—I realized that what I cherished most in this new chapter wasn’t the city itself, but the time spent in familiar spaces with people I cared about. It wasn’t about constantly exploring something new. It was about returning to the same places over and over again, letting them become part of me. These third spaces supported my friendships, rooted me in the city, and opened me up to new connections.

Third Spaces in a Time of Disconnection

This year made me reflect on how valuable this kind of connection is—how good it felt to walk home after an evening with friends, feeling recharged, supported, and genuinely seen. I wanted to understand why that mattered so much.

That’s when I revisited Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone (2000). In it, he documents the decline of social capital in the U.S.—fewer people joining clubs or attending town meetings, fewer neighbors who know each other’s names, and more people living isolated lives. The impacts are serious: worse health, lower civic participation, and rising loneliness. The former U.S. Surgeon General even labeled loneliness a public health crisis.

Third spaces aren’t a fix-all, but they offer something we need more than ever: regular, low-stakes, in-person interaction. As Oldenburg wrote, participation in third places leads to greater attachment to one’s community, more trust, and stronger social norms. And in a world increasingly dominated by screens and curated digital personas, these face-to-face interactions feel not just refreshing—but essential.

Bringing Third Spaces Home

As I head back to the U.S. for the summer, I’ve been thinking about how to continue this lifestyle of informal, community-centered connection. You don’t need to live in Paris to build a meaningful relationship with third spaces. Here’s what I’m keeping in mind:

• Identify local third spaces
  Look for nearby cafés, parks, libraries, and community centers. I’m planning to organize some pick-up soccer games at my local park.

• Create consistency
  Being a regular helps. I want to visit my favorite coffee shop often enough that I recognize a few familiar faces.

• Integrate third spaces into your routine
  Work from a local café. Take your lunch break outside. I plan to run errands on foot when possible, so I can walk through my community. 

• Make your own third space
  Host dinner parties. Start a weekly hangout. I love hosting, and I want to do more of it this summer.

• Keep showing up
  Third spaces only work if people show up, again and again. Be open. Say hi to the person next to you. Welcome new faces.

A Challenge for Connection

Oldenburg gave us a framework. Putnam gave us a warning. The rest is up to us.

I challenge you to seek out—or create—your own third spaces. They don’t need to be trendy or curated or impressive. They just need to be consistent, open, and real. In a time when it’s easy to feel disconnected, these spaces remind us how much joy there is in simply being around others.

So, what third spaces already exist in your life? Which ones might you cultivate? There’s something deeply fulfilling waiting in these ordinary places. I found it by accident. I hope you find it, too.

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Oldenburg, Ray. The Great Good Place: Cafés, Coffee Shops, Bookstores, Bars, Hair Salons, and Other Hangouts at the Heart of a Community. Da Capo Press, 1999.

Putnam, Robert. Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of American Community. Simon & Schuster, 2001.